28 Dec

I have been looking for a place that would challenge my writing skills! I finally found it. . . it is! I have accepted the challenge to ‘Just Do It’! I plan on writing at least 30 minutes per day! I want to write a book (non fiction) about my life’s experiences and how they influenced me to mature into the woman that I am today! I want and need to start at the day that my mother brought me into this world!

That was many, many years ago! People may not agree with the life that I lived but that isn’t up to anybody to agree or accept me or not accept me reject me. I have been REJECTED by my family members since age 8! My mother and father never did get along! My dad was a man harlot! He needed a woman and not just ‘One Woman’, he needed more than that! He would, on a daily basis, go into Portland and make his regular stops at the places where prostitutes would be hanging! He would pay these women to treat him the way his nasty perverted mind felt he needed. Than he would take his perverted self home and expect my mother to bow down to him.

This led to a DIVORCE eventually! My mother got so tired of his whoring around that she filed for the big ‘D’Word! He left and got hooked up with a Gold digger that had 14 children, she lived in a BIG SHOE ad she didn’t know what to do until she met this man that had a good job! She knew that he was capable of taking care of her and her 14 children. What makes you think that he would be faithful to her when he couldn’t even show his loyalty to my mother. I didn’t know what was going on back then but since I have experinced life and lived through much abuse myself, I can see what happened back then.

I have 2 elder brothers that have nothing to do with me! My virginity was exploited at the age of 8. I say ‘EXPLOITED’ cause INCEST does not define the act and doesn’t even expound on how it made me feel NOR where it led me to in my life. He just wanted to destroy my mother cause she kicked him out of her life because he would just sit around the house and make beer in the attic of the garage. I don’t evenknow IF he worked and made any effort to help my mother. I do know that he had 3 boys that lived with us. I had 2 brothers, so there were 6 of us including me.

In my years I have chosen men that abused me and took my kindness for a weakness! Each one of them were in the relationship for their own gratification. They didn’t love me nor did they care to see our relationship to the end. I felt used, abused and suffered greatly with loneliness. They found reasons to destroy me by their hands. They were physically abusive towards me. I had black eyes, broken bones, bruizes that I had to cover up. I could of been dead several times, but God chose to keep me alive. I never knew ‘why’ God wanted me to stay alive. There were several times that I could of died but God chose for me to stay on this earth. That is exactly what I did! Although, I was miserable I had to hide that feeling and appear to be the happiest woman around.

This is much to much right at this moment! I am going to stop for now. It has been 30 mins and I need to stop. I will see you tomorrow!



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